No sooner had the idea gelled in my head than I had youngest offspring in the car with me and off to the garden centre. And this is where the simple idea of a few pots, some partially rotted animal excrement and a few bagged plants would bring my vision to life. No such luck.
Of all the people working in all the garden centres in all the world, I had to have the worlds pre-eminent horticulturalist as my sales assistant. And my dear word! What is it with people who know the scientific name of every bloody plant in Christendom? Can they not spare us mere mortals the agony of wandering around behind them wondering how a pretty pink frilly flower could be named something that sounded to me to be very close to the words cunnilingus vulgariosis and such like. I actually found myself flinching as Vusi painlessly and fluently delivered each genus, sub class and species in perfect latin, with frequent pauses and backward glances to make sure I was paying attention.
All I wanted was a few pots of parsley, maybe a floral tribute or two and some other stuff that grows without the involvement of more than a cursory sprinkling of water as I dashed past it and memory connected each morning. What I got was a hell of a lot more than I had either bargained or budgetted for.
I did however survive botany 101 with Vusi and came home with Max wrapped around a potted jasmine in the front seat and the entire back of the car filled with compost, fertilizer, pesticide, more pots, a veritable collection of herbs in trays, and more plants than I really wanted with names I couldn't pronounce. Or remember. But Vusi and his command of Latin has certainly made a lasting impression.
My kitchen garden is now planted and to date I haven't killed too much of it except perhaps the basil which I cleverly blamed on the cat. I am looking forward to the full bloom of summer where I will proudly tour my friends through said garden and refer them to each plant (that is still living) while making idle reference to their names, peering down my own nose imperiously.
Here we have a simple naming system and a tributory one at that. As it should be. I have named them all Cunnilingus Vulgariosis Vusius.